I lie awake. You speak. I hear you crying in my ear, your pathetic sobs warm and real. Your ploy of deceit, your manipulation plays out painfully clear right before my eyes again and again.. And I witness my fall. Again and again. The blood, the gore, the pain, the death.

I look into the mirror. Foolish, ugly, tragic and sleepless. The blood under my eyes are clogging up. Dark shadows upon wide windows of fear. My hair, your hands. My face, your hands. Everything goes back to you. My hands, your face. My hands, your hair. My face, your face. Your everything. Every single fucking thing. That I still remember in painful clarity. That I can't stop myself from remembering.

I flinch when I hear your name. I stop when I see someone like you. I change the way I speak and act. I change my hairstyle. I change my face. Change my lips. My eyes. My nose. My smile. My frown. My ears. My everything.

Yet, it still hurts. Fucking hurts.

And for every undeserving tear I've shed for you, I hope you never know. Because I want to start anew.

Truth is, all I want is to forget.
To fall asleep into my personal coma and never wake up so that I don't have to see your fucking face again.