The night is full of the impossibles.

The skies are limitless, vast. It felt like if I kept on walking, it was going to reach out invitingly, and pluck me off the face of the earth. It felt as if the dark would engulf me anytime now. Open its monstrous monster and gulp me down alive. The silence is almost unbearable. Yet, I revelled in it. It felt like those kind of moments when you have to grasp it quickly and sit on tight or lose it in the next second.

The night is full of the indestructibles.

During the night, the monsters come out and play, and no one knows a damn thing about us, out secrets, their weird fetishes. What a wonderful caricature of intimacy. If only we could cap those energies and feelings, we could have made the first nuclear bomb. We would have burnt the world down to ashes and dance in it. But then again, I'm always too late. Never the first. I would have dragged down all the stars just to illuminate the streets just to find you. I would have crept up upon our enemies and unplug them while they are asleep. Yet, they are safely hidden under the blanket of everything they ever wanted and have. And I have always failed you.

The night is full of the insignificants.

We ran across the streetlights, the empty streets, the brightly lit cafes and restaurants. We stared at the happy humans; dining and chatting beyond that thick piece of glass. Pieces of conversation and laughter floated through and right into us, like stabs to our hearts.

It rose out from nothing, verging on dreams and reality. Its piteous cries pierced the silent reverie of the night. Its silent whispers carressed lovingly across our blue lips and purple cheeks, sending ripples of pleasure down our spines. We held onto the last strands of silence in a vain attempt to salvage those irrevocable wrongs. We didnt dare to speak, in fear of breaking this fragile glamour. You gave a ghost of a smile, as we looked towards the cobalt skies, trying to find the stars, maybe even one; to naively wish upon it and pretend that everything is just fine.

The night is full of irrationalities.

We held hands, as if it was our last night on earth. That look in your eyes; no questions, no sanity. The fear of disappearing had such a lingering sick sweet aftertaste, like an almost over-ripe peach, succulent and soft, too soft. I sank my teeth in hard and pierce through the almost-not-there skin. Liquid flowed down my mouth, down my chin, and all over my chest in rivulets. The taste in mouth was unbearable, overwhelming, almost suffocating. It hurt to swallow, yet stupid and weak to spit all out. In an attempt of self-salvation and pride, I kept it. Like a mother afraid of losing her newborn, I kept it.

The night is full of the incomprehensible.

You whispered bitter elegies and recited lovely eulogies. We sang promises and dreamt hope, but we both knew we were running on empty. We bled slowly into the dark, always waiting for salvation, waiting for some secret superhero in overly tight pants or underwear to save us. We never admitted, but we prayed fevently to ourselves, that someday we could be at somewhere else.

The night is not forever.

Blinded by city lights, the world before my eyes is spinning. I am falling, falling, falling, tilting away from you. Our world, no longer on equillibrum; is plagued with blatant white gaping holes, reminding me of the times now lost. I shut my eyes, searching desperately for something, someone to hold on to. Your hand slips away as we spiral through the cracks in the earth. I, I, I- You, you, you- A thousand and one thoughts, incoherent, choppy and tumultuous. They are leaving, the inevitable is coming. You close your eyes, willing your voice not to call them back.

I shake. I bite my lip. I tremble. I break.
"One more minute, just one m-..."

A ghost of a smile. A gentle whisper. A slight carress. A soft stirring breaking the silence.
You lean in; your warm breath carressing my cheek and whisper in my ear, "The night is full of the impossibles."

The air was filled with warm buzzing, like magical elves; as you slipped pass the burning light back into the gaps. I stood alone again, feeling pouring rain upon my cheeks as the horizon lit up once more.
Five years ago, I walked away, swore to myself I would never let anyone else see this ugly side. The pain, the hurt and the humiliation were enough reasons for me to leave. Yet, the stupidest thing was, it felt as if you were home and I was so fucking insecure without you. After I left, I swore to myself never, never to let myself feel that way again. So cheap, so unwanted, so fucking weak.

Two years ago, you ran away; turned tail and ran. Was it because I was pushing and you were falling? I tried to grasp you, but you slipped away. I cried, like a fucking baby, like the girl I used to be and tried so hard not to be.After that, I swore, again, to myself, never, never, never to see myself become that depraved figure crying in the corner ever again.

One year ago, I ran away. Keeping to my oath, I didn't shed any tears over you. The smile, the lies and the loss I felt were enough reasons for me to leave. Because I knew, that I was trying too hard for you. With you, it's as if I'm that stupid girl five years ago. Truth was? You were everything, and that was the problem. Truth is? Now that you're nothing, that is the problem. Maybe things shouldn't have gone that way. There was everything I could have done to salvage my wrongs. But I didn't.

I stuck to my oath.

And the funny thing was, I didn't make me feel any better than I felt five years ago.
Don't ask me why.
Cause it's just the way how things will work out.
Cause it seems like whatever I do it's not enough.

It seems like everyday I make mistakes.
It seems like it will never be enough.
Even if I gave my fucking all, it never be enough.

And the only thing I'm good at is just deceit.

The truth was, I didnt felt like I was good enough for anything.
The truth is, I'll never be good enough for anything.