Nowa-nights, I go to sleep early, dead tired, but somehow I keep waking up at two or three in the morning. Just staring into the darkness and the faint light from my window. I feel like I have missed something important. I feel like I've woken from a dream; desperately grasping at the memory of something I cared about - but, for the life of me, can't remember.

I can't seem to articulate my thoughts anymore. My hands are shaking. And sometimes, it gets harder to breathe. I'm biting my tongue. I'm clawing my arms. I feel like I'm drowning on air, but I must be dreaming, because this demise feels so surreal.

Would you hold me and tell me it's alright to be scared? That it's just the lights and the noises of those inconsiderate people downstairs that are keeping me awake?
Could you lie to me that life is going to get easier and that it gets better everyday?

It's depressing when you no longer no what you want to know or hear anymore. I think it's depressing when you hear the truth from someone else's mouth and you wonder why you can still hear those incriminating words after you cover your ears. And I think it's even more depressing that you no longer no what to talk about or do and all you want to curl up in your bed and listen to a few songs on repeat.

I feel like disappearing for a few days, and then again, I might be tempted never to return here again. And it makes me wonder, what is left for me to leave here?

And I feel that it's goddamn depressing to know that it's not within my capabilities to survive on my own.